I’ve been thinking…
Why is it so easy for me to figure out what has to be done to make a change but is it so hard to actually take a step towards changing something? I think I’m just scared. I like to stay in my comfort zone, even though it’s the last place I want to be. But, ‘I can’t stay where I am while trying to go where I want to be’. So… Dilemma #1: How do I get out of this comfort zone? I am just going to stop being so scared. I’m in control right? Time for me to take that control and do something with it. Time for me to grow a pair and just do it. I have nothing to worry about! Staying here won’t make me feel any better. Not tomorrow and certainly not in 20 years. To the contrary. I will feel as if I have thrown my life away. The last thing I want, is to be an old lady, sitting in my rocking chair with my grandchildren around me, asking me about what it was like when I was young and telling them my life was dull; boring. I want to be that old lady that my grandchildren will ask ‘Really grandma? You did that?’ But that’s too far in the future. What I want, more than ever, is to be proud of myself. How am I going to make my future-self proud if I keep doing the same old boring things and if I never take a risk? I’m not someone who will just start following the crowd. But for some reason I haven’t start to find my own road. So in the meantime I’m just sitting on the couch waiting for something exciting to happen (on TV). But, not so secretly, I want to be the one who’s making things exciting. So why don’t I? To be really honest… I don’t have a single clue. Where’s blue with her clues when you need her? But I don’t need to know why I didn’t do it in the past… I need to know why I will, from now on. So why will I? Because I want to. Period. That’s all I need to know. If I want it, I am going to make it happen. I already started making plans in my head, the only thing I have to do is make those plans real. You know, I want to travel, see the hidden places of the earth. I want to jump from cliffs and dive to see the most beautiful fishes. I want to learn crazy languages that I will probably never need in my life! I want to learn how to play guitar and get back to my piano lessons. I want to live! Enjoy every waking second. I don’t know how, but I will get out of this comfort zone and I am going to make my life exciting! Are you having a hard time breaking out of your comfort zone? What are the things you want to do? Please share your thoughts/experiences in the comments. Or send me an email --> Contact --> fill in the form You can always tag me on Instagram and Twitter @uGottaLoveAimee
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So, last week I made a promise to myself and I started doing a few things I haven’t done in a long time.
I went to the hairdresser where I walk past every week. Every time I look inside and think about what I want to do with my hair. Last Thursday, I cooked and as soon as we finished our diner, I went to there and I let her cut and dye my hair. Something new, brown. I hadn’t ever had that and I wasn’t sure if it would look as good as I hoped but it turned out to look better. Two days later my friend came by the house and she braided my hair. Yesterday I went shopping. I bought a dress that I don’t even need but I loved it. I bought myself a Gucci perfume and I didn’t even care about the price. I bought something for myself. Something that I don’t need. But something that makes me feel special. I’ve been talking to a friend and she gave me the best advice. She told me that I’m the boss. I’m in charge. And I’ve been living by that this week. I’m in charge of how I feel. I’m in charge of myself and my life. Feeling good about myself has nothing to do with buying new clothes or expensive stuff but I needed a moment. I always tell myself that, if I don’t need it, I won’t buy it. But that also causes me not to buy the things that I want just because I like it. I deserve everything and more. I just have to give it to myself. So that’s what I started to do. I woke up happy this morning. I was tired but I didn’t feel the need to turn on the TV in the bedroom so my daughter could watch her show and I could snooze for another 30 minutes. We got up immediately and cuddled on the couch and ate breakfast. Today felt so much different from any other day of the past month. I’m even smiling. For no apparent reason. I feel some kind of joy. It feels like I’m one step closer to happiness. Last week I thought of my future and I didn’t know if I wanted to be around to live it. But I’m sitting here, thinking about what my life can look like in a few years. For some reason, it doesn’t look anything like how I pictured it last week. It looks good. I see myself being happy. Truly happy. Not this fake happy I’ve been for a long time. I just need to remind myself that I’m in charge of my happiness. Nobody else will make me happy if I can’t make myself happy. And I won’t able to make someone else happy if I’m not happy either. But, before I start thinking about making someone else happy… me first! I’m going to be very selfish for a while. Get myself on track. Get my smile back, permanently. Show my baby girl what her mom looks like when she’s herself. Show myself what I look like when I’ve found myself again. Believe me when I say this: The ‘me’ I lost, looks good! And I will not stop until I found her again and I will not lose myself after that, ever again! Please remember this: You’re in charge. You are the boss! Don’t ever forget that. Please share your thoughts/experiences in the comments. Or fill in the contact for to email me. Orrr tag me @uGottaLoveAimee I love you! I hope you love you too! I’ve been having trouble falling asleep at night. When I turn off the lights I wish I could start over. I wish I could do things over. I don’t want to think about my future and see myself in the same place I am right now. I don’t want to go to bed regretting my every move. I want to make changes. I don’t want to feel like there are too many hours in the day. I want to live. I want to enjoy my life.
Because at this point I’m not living. I exist and I hate it. God didn’t put me on this earth to hate life. I already hate the next 20 years of my life because I know I’m going to make one stupid mistake after another. I need to change that TODAY! Not tomorrow or next week, today! If I’m not happy with the life I’m living today I have to make a change for tomorrow. I haven’t been happy with my life for years but a few years ago I still knew how to have a good time. I was talking to somebody the other day and we started talking about a festival and I said that that isn’t my thing at all. So I got the question ‘What is your thing?’ and I had no idea. I’m 22 and I don’t know what I like to do. I haven’t been out in years; I’ve been to 3 movies in the last 3 years. I’ve been to 2 restaurants in 3 years and that’s about everything I’ve done. I don’t have time for myself anymore. No, I don’t make time for myself anymore. I don’t even put on my make-up anymore. I don’t take care of myself anymore. Enough negativity, how am I going to change this? How about figuring out why I’m not happy? That might work. To be honest, there’s nothing to figure out. I know exactly what it is. The only problem, my heart and my head are fighting about it. In my head, everything is clear. I’m ready to move on. I’m in front of my exit and it’s more than clear that I have to take this exit but every time I’m about to, my heart takes over and turns the wheel and it’s too late. After the first two times that happened I was able to forgive myself and look for a way back. I even started to think that that was the right move for me, but in the back of my mind I knew better. I kept lying to myself and now I’m done believing it. I want to get out of this routine. Start over. All I want right now, is to change enough so I can go to bed not regret my every move. I’m just lost when it comes to the road I am on. I don’t know how to turn this around and get out of this. I know I’ll end up with some serious scars but it just seems hopeless to me right now. I wish it was easier but I can’t do that because I got myself into this situation. I’m scared. Of so many things. I really have to turn my life around. Today. And I will. I’ll just have to clear my head. I have so much on my mind. So many things that I can’t give a place right now. I'm just not in a good place right now and I really want to switch it up. I am going to make a lot of changes in the near future and I will get myself back. The ‘me’ that was happy with a good book and new nail polish. The ‘me’ that danced for no reason while waiting for the bus and the ‘me’ who couldn’t stop singing, even though I can’t sing. I want ‘me’ back and I will. It might take a little while but I am sure that I’ll find a way. I promise it to myself that I will do everything possible to find my happy place again. That I will find a way to accept my past and make better choices in my future. I promise myself that I will start living; enjoying my life. Most important: I promise that the day that I will go to bed happy is coming very soon. What do you promise yourself? Please share your thoughts/experiences in the comments. Or email me via the contact form. Or tag me @uGottaLoveAimee It’s not always easy but I try to stay positive.
To me, staying positive used to mean putting on a happy face. Don’t let the world know how miserable or sad I truly am. Don’t let people see your tears. Today, staying positive means to try to see the best in things. To never allow myself to let what happened or what’s going on keep me down. How? That’s a very good question. Crazy enough, I don’t think about it too much. At least, I try not to think about it too much. I want to be happy, so in order for me to feel happiness I have to let go of all the negative thoughts. That is probably the hardest part of it all. It is a lot easier to find the negative things instead of the positive things. So without thinking about it we automatically look at all the bad things. A couple of weeks ago someone very close to me called me up in tears. Telling me she wanted to move out. That she felt like a prisoner. What concerned me was that she’s young and I have been through a very similar situation. I cried after hanging up the phone because I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to help her but I know I had nothing. I wasn’t in a position to help her. There it is: I wasn’t in a position to help her. In any way. No matter how hard I would try, I couldn’t help her and I would probably just put myself in a difficult situation. The only thing I could do now, was be there for her and listen. It turns out that it meant more to her to have someone to talk to about it who understood than someone who would pick a fight for her. Even though it hurt me to not be able to do something to change her situation, I was glad I was able to be there for her. That thought helped me to stay positive so I could help her stay positive through it all If I let things get to me I end up getting depressed and I know how hard it is to get over that so I want to brush things off before they get to me. It takes a lot of practice. It won’t be easy from the second you try it. But keep trying. Staying positive has so many effects on your life. You know what, it can’t hurt to try to be more positive. Let me know your thoughts/experiences in the comments. Or email me by filling in the contact form. Or tag me on twitter/Instagram @uGottaLoveAimee |
AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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