I'm not the best person to tell you to prioritize. I'm still learning. I have different lists of priorities. The one where I put God first and my baby girl second. The second list is the things I want to accomplish or do. My main goal has been to go on vacation. I have been planning for months now and Rome was the place I wanted to go. I also wanted to pick up a new language and that came second. Those were the things I wanted most! A little later I had a talk with my father and I also want to go visit him. So now I had to decide if either Rome or my dad was more important. I chose my dad. But just a quick reminder. While planning these vacations, because I want both, I am still using my bike or public transportation to go places. Not because I don't have a car... Because I don't have a drivers license. When my sister and I were on the phone she told me she was saving some money for her drivers license and I started thinking. What's more important? A short vacation or my drivers license? See? I'm still trying to figure this stuff out. But it's really important that you think about it because I almost never did. Mostly because I didn't learn how to prioritize. The video I posted below is what woke me up and made me rethink what's most important in my life and where I spend my time and energy on. Thats how I came up with my first list. God; Babygirl; Family and not to forget: ME. I should put my self a little higher... I'm working on that. But what is more important in my life? Getting my drivers license? Going on vacation? Seeing every movie that hits the theaters this summer? Catching up on all 6 seasons of whatever new show I'll get hooked on in the near future? All take time. Some of them cost money. Sometimes, at the end of the month I look at my bank statements and I wonder where my money went. EVEN if I write down every cent I spend. To the last penny, I still wonder where it all went. Why? Because I didn't do anything with that money that was worth it. Sure, I bought something that I could use but did I need it? Most of the time the answer is no! Same goes for my time. Days fly by and weeks and months. It seems like yesterday that 2016 started... There's so much going on in our lives that we often forget that we can actually make each day worth it. The other day I bought a few masks and markers and me and my Babygirl sat down and colored in those masks and we had so much fun together. Normally I would give her a piece of paper and some pencils so she can have fun by herself. But by spending that time with her I felt happy, she was happy and afterwards I had plenty of time to do what I needed to do. It's not hard to figure out that I don't have everything in the right order yet, I'm just sharing my thoughts here... What are your thoughts on this subject? Any tips on prioritizing? Share your thoughts/ tips/ experiences in the comments below. You can also email me or talk to me on social media. If you want to follow me on Instagram, please tag me anywhere, in a picture or in a comment somewhere to let me know because I've been getting a lot of follow requests from strange accounts. - no picture/ no following but 7000 followers - pages that promote weight loss or parties who have 300 posts but started posting the beginning of May or end of April 🤔 so so just let me know 😇. Have a a good week, you beautiful masterpiece!
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I went to the movies on Saturday. Nothing special for most people but I hadn't seen a movie in a very long time. But I had to drop my baby off at a friend who agreed to babysit. I wanted to drop her off at 12/12.15PM. The person who went with me was supposed to be at my house early but decided to return something at the mall at 11. They came to my house 12.15. By the time we got to my friend’s house it was 12.30. We missed our bus and decided to go to another movie theater because we weren't going to make the movie at the one we were supposed to. A lot of confusion came with that and I got stressed. I only felt better when we arrived at the movie theater and we had our tickets. It almost made me go back home and watch the movie on my laptop.
If I could've kept my cool I wouldn't have felt so bad for almost an hour and a half. I would've been able to have some fun prior to the movie. Because it was supposed to be a fun afternoon. But I ALLOWED stress to take over. I ALLOWED myself to feel bad about the whole situation. Thinking about it now, I regret not being able to let go of that stress right away. It only gives me something to think about. Because it is something I have to work on. I think everybody has experienced something like it. It sucks. The whole mood changes and it feels like there's nothing you can do about it... well there is. But only you can. I know I gave up. I didn't want to go anymore and I stopped caring at some point because not caring was easier than caring too much. What I plan on telling myself if I get in a similar situation from now on is this: Stop allowing yourself to ruin this. Stop allowing yourself to look at only the negative. Look for a solution. Is there anything you can do to make it better? SMILE! Just smile. I know it's silly and it might not even work but I'll take my chances. I absolutely hated that moment. So to prevent it from happening again, I'll try to stay focused on the good and if there's no good in sight then I'll just try to smile, try to cheer myself up. I’m still learning and this is something I have to work on. I have to learn how to deal with this and as soon as I know… I’ll let you know ;) How do you handle setbacks? What do you do so you won’t get stressed? Please let me know in the comments below. Or email me via the contact page. Or talk to me on social media. --> Links are in the sidebar. Keep working on you, it’s worth it! For some reason I keep expecting people to change. I keep expecting things and situations that have been the same for years and years to change.
It’s only disappointing me so why can’t I just stop hoping for things to get better when I know they probably never will? Something can be terribly unsatisfying and depressing for a very long time, but when I see a change, even if it’s just for a split second; just a little spark of change I will hold on to that and hope it will finally get better. But it never does. I think it has something to do with having a big heart. I like to forgive people. I can only forgive if I also let go of what happened which in most cases means that I have to forget. But the tricky part is… once you forget it’s that much easier to fall for the same thing. With everything in my life lately, my emotions have been going up and down. I’ve been feeling really good about everything at one point but felt down and depressed the day after. Or sometimes even on the same day. This time, I refuse to forget. I already forgave him. That doesn’t mean I’m not still angry or hurt. Does that make any sense? Did I forgive? I don’t know. I thought I did but now… I’m not so sure. I’m still hurt, so much that I will still cry about it. I’m still mad, so much that I still want to scream at him sometimes (a lot of times). There are times when I look at him and I just want to hit him and yell at him and I still wonder what he was thinking. Why he had to hurt me like that. So did I forgive him? I don’t know. I didn’t even want to dig this deep. I was fine with the thought that I had forgiven him for all of this mess. Somehow I just went from expecting change to this. But I think it has a lot to do with each other. Let me just be real with you, He was moving his stuff to his apartment this weekend. When he came back we talked and we laughed and we even watched TV together, we haven’t done that in months. It made me feel good. The thought of not having him around anymore hurts. Because when we broke up I also gave up on my dream of the future that I have been building in my head for the last 4 years. I just started to realize that everything I wanted with him will not happen. As if it wasn’t hard enough, he told me everything I had been waiting for before all of this happened so for some reason I thought there might still be a chance for us to work this out after all. But later he told me that he really didn’t want to leave. That he had been trying to find excuses so he wouldn’t have to leave. It kept me thinking and when I woke up and I saw what it really was. Just that, everything I needed from him was now being used as a way to suck me back in. They weren’t used as a way to keep me happy when it still mattered. I still try to look for a way so I don’t have to close the book on this but I know it’s in my best interest if I do. I will heal from this and eventually I will forgive him, truly forgive him. The pain and the anger will fade but I will do my best not to forget what this felt like because once I do, I will find myself back in that same position. Please let me know what you think… share your opinion on this subject. I would love to hear how you feel about it. Do you forgive easily? Do you ever forget? What does forgiving mean to you? Can you still be mad or hurt after you forgave someone? Share your thoughts… :D I was thinking about the progress I have made and how strong I’ve become since I started writing again. The thing that I thought about the longest was how I used to see myself as a victim. I was a victim to the circumstances. I was a victim to the way I was treated by my family and other people in my life. I was a victim.
“Well, I can’t help it that I got sick in my senior year of high school and wasn’t able to finish my year, twice!” – No, true, I couldn’t help it that I got sick, but I could’ve gone back to school after I got better. “Well, but then I had to start all over again and with all of my experience I didn’t want to go back to the basics of cutting hair.” – Ok, fair. But I could’ve made the decision to go in a different direction so I would have a degree after all. Those are just two examples of how I changed my thinking. I view life differently and I don’t hold anyone or anything accountable anymore of what happened or happens to me! For example: You can hurt me once, but I refuse to accept it so you can hurt me twice. You can walk over me once but I will refuse to accept that so you can walk over me twice. It’s all up to me! I am in control. If I accept the way you treat me, I give you the green light to keep treating me like that. If I refuse to accept it I show you ‘Stop, I don’t deserve to be treated badly. You either change your behavior towards me or I move on from you.’ It’s all about how you look at yourself and how much you care about yourself! Let’s say you have a dog. You love your dog so much that you take care of it, you feed him so he will never get hungry, you walk with him because you want him to get enough exercise and when you have people over you make sure they’re nice to him. You won’t ever accept it if someone comes in your house and kicks your dog to the side. You won’t accept anybody to hurt your dog or to make the dog feel scared. The same with us. Our body is our temple so we take care of it. We feed it so we won’t get hungry. We do all these things to make our body feel great. But when someone comes around who claims* to love us, we tend to let them kick us to the side. *CLAIMS- I chose this word carefully because it are the ones that CLAIM to love you who end up hurting you. If someone truly loves you they will NEVER hurt you. I no longer feel like I am a victim. I feel strong and I want to stand up for myself and show everyone that I deserve to be treated better than what I’m used to. But also, I want to take matters in my own hands and make sure I get things done. Instead of holding on to excuses. Yes, circumstances got me to where I am but I am the only one who can make sure that I won’t let the circumstances rule my life. I RULE, this here is my kingdom. In my kingdom I am the queen and I will make sure that my kingdom is as beautiful and happy as Mufasa’s kingdom while he was king! (For those who don’t know who Mufasa is… the movie the lion king should be the first movie you watch right now! Skip anything else, watch the lion king first!) You know, taking control over your life is so much easier than you think. Just stop holding on to excuses. Make sure it doesn’t happen again. Sure, some things can’t be prevented but the things you can control, make sure you do. The things you can’t control… just make sure they don’t take over your life. I know you have some thoughts or experiences, or both… so please, share them in the comments. Or email me via the contact page. Or talk to me on Facebook/Twitter – the links are in the sidebar! For years I’ve been trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t my family love me? Was I such a bad child growing up? I mean, what has to happen before your own brother pretends you don’t exist? How bad do you have to be for your parents to not want to check up on you once in a while?
I talked to my dad the other day, the first time in a few months. He told me he founded a new company… … … three years ago. He asked me for my new address, where I’ve been living for the last two years. But I was just glad we called. I was happy to hear him and I was happy that he took that time for me. Later that day my mother texted me to see if I was at a meeting she was going too as well. I wanted to but I had no way to get there and she knew that. She lives less than 30 minutes from me. (Don’t ask me how far exactly because I came to her house twice) So her text kind of threw me off and got that little fire in my chest burning. Just moments after her text I saw my brother. He saw me too but we were at a meeting so I couldn’t just get up and say hi. So I waited for it to be over. The minute it was, I picked up my daughter and turned around to go say hi and he was nowhere to be found. He left. Note: I haven’t seen or talked to him since January 2nd. My younger sister on the other hand… we text and we call almost every day. She is as close to my heart as my daughter is. I want to protect her and I want her to be the best she can be. I want her to grow and become such a strong woman that she won’t have to go through anything that might hurt her. I didn’t get emotional when I wrote about my dad or my mom or my brother. But when I talk about my sister I do. She is so important to me. But that’s not what this is about. The thing is, I kept trying to find reasons in myself. What did I do to them to make them treat me like this? What did I say to make them get mad at me? My dad shouldn’t even be on that list. My dad just lives on the other side of this planet and has his own life. But my mother and my brother practically live around the corner. But it's not my fault. It’s not anything I did or said. It’s been like this since I was a young child. I’ve changed everything about myself and my life. I turned everything around and tried to find a way to have some sort of relationship with them but nothing I do works. So is it my fault? Or are they just not grown enough to confront me with whatever it is that is bothering them? Maybe there’s nothing… maybe there is but to be honest, I stopped caring. I’m not going to keep following you around while you run and hide as soon as you see me. I mean, my daughter doesn’t even know who her uncle is. I am willing to bet that she won’t recognize him if I put her in front of him. But that’s ok. She has enough uncles on her father’s side of the family who adore her. But you know… I no longer take blame for the way they treat me. If they’re unable to love me for any possible reason, than that’s on them. They’ll have to work on that if it’s something they want to. If not, I’ll see you in a few years, I guess. For my personal health and happiness I need to let go of this. Because it’s a wound that refuses to heal. Or maybe I keep poking it or scratching it open? It’s time for me to let it heal so the pain can go away. I have so much more to say but I guess I’ll continue next week, who knows? Maybe I’ll just let it go completely, you’ll have to come back next week to find out ;) Please share your thoughts or experiences in the comments or send me an email via the contact page. Or talk to me on twitter or Facebook. The links are in the sidebar. I really hope that you can’t relate to this entry. If you do, I’m sorry. But keep your head up! You’re amazing and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Don’t let the way they treat you make you feel less valuable. Because you deserve to be loved to the best of their ability and if they can’t, they don’t deserve to be in your life! |
AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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