Whenever I set a goal for myself, I expect 100% of myself. Like I said last week, if 75% is my best, it’s enough, but I have a hard time accepting that. I still want that 100% and if I can’t reach that, I give it up all together.
The thing is, I need to give myself time. Just knowing that I have to change something doesn’t mean it’s changed the next morning. I’ll have to work on myself, allow myself to change. But change needs time. I need time. Something I’ve been spending years on to perfect, in this case being hard on myself, is going to take a while to become something else. I’ve been working on building my walls higher and higher for as long as I can remember. They didn’t just fall over one day. It took a while before I learned how to get back on that ladder to take down the highest brick. 1 brick. I had to rewrite my strategy every single time I went up to take down another brick. That goes for everything. We’re not furniture from IKEA, we don’t have a manual and even when we finally found out how to do something, the next time you think you’re in the same position, you will find out that the way you handled it last time, won’t work. We need to think on our feet if we want to fix these things. I want to see myself perform at my very best. But if 60 or 75 or 93% is all I can do, I need to be able to accept that and BE OK WITH IT. There’s a big difference between accepting a situation and being OK with the situation. I have accepted a lot. Because I can’t change most of it; it’s not up to me to change it or it’s not in my control. That doesn’t mean that I’m OK with it. If I could, I would do something about it. If it were up to me… You know, you deserve time. You can’t expect perfection because perfection isn’t even possible. We’re human and there’s nothing wrong with that. Expecting your best is good and it’s something you should keep doing. Just don’t expect more than what you can do at that moment. I know I want to be good at everything I do. I doubt myself a lot and for some reason I think that I should be able to be a pro from the start. Crazy, right? Rome wasn’t built in one day. Please let me know what you think in the comments or send me an email -> contact page -> contact form. Or talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee. If there’s a topic you want me to write about, let me know. I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else. We’ll be alright ;)
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Don’t be so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes. How else will you learn?
Yeah right, how many times have I heard that? Too many times for me to count. Has it helped? Not exactly. Did I stop being hard on myself? Not really. Why is that? Because I didn’t believe it. I didn’t allow myself to make mistakes because every time I did, I couldn’t get over it. I accidentally lost the card I need to throw away the trash this morning and it wasn’t a big deal, I just had to make a phone call and ask for a new one. But it bothered me for at least two hours. Even after I made the phone call I couldn’t get over it. I couldn’t even do my nails in peace because it gave me time to think. And then it hit me. It wasn’t a big deal. Next time I just have to be more careful with it. Pay a little more attention to it. But instead of telling myself that from the beginning I kept beating myself up over it. I know why. I don’t believe I can afford it to make any mistakes. How little or how big they might be. I expect perfection from myself and if that doesn’t happen I drop everything. I am an ‘all-or-nothing’ kind of person. I am very well aware that that is something that I need to work on because if 75% is my best then I shouldn’t stop and give 0 because I couldn’t make it to 100. I have to accept that I’m not perfect. I’m human. Accepting that will be the first step I have to take because no matter what I do or how much I do, it won’t make a difference if I haven’t accepted that yet. The reason I chose this topic isn’t because I made a tiny mistake. It’s because of how I reacted to it. I know this has always been my response. I remember saying something to a friend when I was 18 and he told me that it would be better if I would keep that to myself. There are times where I still think back and I want to kick my 18-year-old self for being so dumb. I know that it’s ok to make mistakes, that is how we learn. But I don’t allow myself to make mistakes. I will accept it from anyone else, but not from myself. That’s just something I’ll have to work on. But I know I’ll get there. I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else. What do you think about this topic? Are you too hard on yourself? And… have you been creative this week? Let me know what you did in the comments or show me on Twitter/Instagram @uGottaLoveAimee. This week I want to talk about something other than the usual topics.
I want to encourage everyone to be a little creative this week. Why? Because I’ve seen the positive outcome of creativity. I can’t draw at all. But last week, when me and my daughter were sitting in front of the 6ft high blackboard that’s hanging in my hallway, she wanted me to draw. She asked me to draw eyes and I took it more seriously than I thought I would. I made a face and I realized that I can draw… if I put my mind to it and only if I want to create something. I remember that I used to make a lot of paintings when I was younger and I used to make dresses and outfits for my Barbie’s from my mom’s old kitchen towels or left over fabric. Even working on my stories or thinking about the picture I want on the cover of my first book. It makes me happy. I feel light and it’s like none of the current headaches matter. I am going to work on being more creative this week. Maybe by creating an amazing design on a cake or making a painting or maybe do some awesome nail-art. The options for being creative are endless. Don’t feel locked up inside a box, think bigger and wider and don’t just think outside that box, think outside of your whole world. Go hiking and take some beautiful pictures. Or stop your car on the side of the road to take a picture of the clouds or a tree. The options are unlimited. Take advantage of that. You know, being creative lifts my spirit. It helps me recharge my battery so I can keep going for a little while longer. It makes me happier. When I was young I owned a lot of notebooks with little drawings in them. At first it made me feel silly whenever I would look at my drawings. I would wonder why I even kept drawing. But it doesn’t matter what it looks like. It matters how you feel. During and after. I don’t care if you light your paper on fire or hang it on the wall after you’re done, you were doing something positive. My daughter is always asking for paper so she can draw. She’s two and a half but she’s trying to write. She wrote an A the other day and I’ve never seen her so proud. I bought myself a coloring book. Sometimes I just sit down and start coloring for 15 minutes. I gave my pencils to my daughter so they all disappeared in between all of her toys and crayons. But sometimes she comes to me holding 4 or 5 pencils and she asks for a piece of paper. Seeing the joy on her face when she’s making something is incredible. She comes running to me to show me how she made a “princess”. Even though we are adults, we shouldn’t let go of that inner child who likes to create things. It doesn’t matter what you do, but never stop being creative. Even if you don’t know what to write or draw or cook and paint,… Stop thinking and just go with it. You are a creative being, show yourself how creative you can be. Show yourself what you can do. Surprise yourself. So, like I said, I am going to focus on being creative this week. I hope you will too. I’m looking around me and all I see are bricks. Some of my previously knocked down walls are partially build again. I can’t help but wonder where I stopped paying attention to it.
I stopped focusing on keeping the walls down, I knocked down my walls, left part of the bricks where they were and started looking at the view. I’m not hiding behind my walls anymore. But I am noticing a change in my behavior. If someone does me wrong I get mad real fast. I’m sick of being treated like a little kid. I don’t care how old I was when you met me. I don’t care how immature I was back then or how much older you are. See my progress and see me as the woman I became. I am a mother, not just a girl who gave birth to a baby. Why do some people refuse to see me for who I am now? Why do they still see me as the girl I was 4, 5 years ago? A lot has happened, a lot has changed! I get mad at those people. I will hold my tongue to keep the peace but it’s getting more and more difficult to keep this poker face. There’s only one person who knows exactly what I think and how I feel about these things. I’m sick of people who think they can get away with anything because I stay nice. I forgive, that’s what I do. I let things slide, because I know they didn’t do certain things on purpose or maybe because I like having you around. But even I have a limit. You can get away with 9 things but the 10th might be the last straw. I’m at that point. With everyone. I let everyone get away with 99 things, the last thing was the last. I’m done letting things slide. If you mess up, I will let you know and if you crossed my line, you will feel it. I deserve respect. You should stay on your A-game around me. Don’t think that you can walk over me because you’ve been in my life for a very long time. Don’t think you can walk over me because you saw me running around in my diapers. I’m a grown woman and I’d liked be treated as such! I know I was a young girl 5 years ago, but things have changed, I have changed. If you can’t see that, or won’t see that, please exit my life ASAP. I am going to be selfish from now on. That’s something that I should’ve done a long time ago. I want to be surrounded by the people who care about my wellbeing. I want to have people in my life who will support me and share my goals. If you want to chill and stay right here, that’s fine. But I intend to walk, move forward. I want to grow and reach my goals. Have my dreams come true. If you can’t walk with me, our road ends right here. If your dream is to go south while my dream is pushing me north, that’s fine but our road ends here. I’m done turning my back to where I want to go to support you on your way to your dreams. I don’t even want someone else to do that for me. I want to have those around me who have the same goal. I wouldn’t ever want someone to make a sacrifice like that for me. Everyone should follow their own dreams. You’ll find people with the same goals and dreams on your way there. I’m mad. People keep disappointing me. But it’s not even their fault. It’s my own. I am the one who lets people in my life who live a completely different life from me. It’s my fault that I have ‘friends’ who don’t care about anybody but themselves. There is one person in my life who claims to have my back through everything but never asks me how I’m doing. Someone else claims to do the same but won’t talk to me unless I call or text first. It’s MY FAULT that those people are still in my life. I should have ended our friendship the second I saw their true colors. But I cared for them so I didn’t want to lose their friendship. Actually I never had their friendship. I only thought I did. But’s even that’s ok. It’s just time for me to lose their… ‘friendship’ and move on to people who are going to be there for me. If they decide to change with me, that would be great but if they don’t, so be it. I’m going to be selfish from now on. I have to be… What are your experiences/thoughts on this topic? Please share in the comments. Or email me via the contact form. Please let me know what you want me to talk about next. Twitter/Instagram: @uGottaLoveAimee |
AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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