So, we know we have to take that wall down eventually, but we don't have the slightest idea how.
It's hard to let your guard down. Especially if it's been up for a while. Especially if you've been hiding behind it for a while. We all know how it starts. You stop trusting people. At first, you shut out the people you don't know. After that, the people you aren't that close with to begin with. Then come the people you know and then come the people you love. One by one. You keep shutting people out and in the end you feel like there is nobody around that is willing and capable of supporting you. You feel alone. You are. Breaking down the first wall is most difficult. You don't know how to, yet. But once you do, it gets easier. First, you have to find a way to knock it over. It won't go down in once. It will take some time but you have to start somewhere. I know it feels like climbing the Mount Everest. But you have to do it. Take a step, sit down with someone you know and love, allow yourself to trust again. Push yourself to trust that one person. That's the mot difficult part. But once you regain trust, it'll be easier to trust others. The people around you believe in you. Join them, believe in yourself too. None of it will be easy. But you can get past it. Grow past this point. I started taking down walls myself. Before I could let anybody in, I had to allow myself to think that somebody was good for it. The first person I tried to open up to helped me see that it wasn't all that bad. She pushed me in every good direction when I didn't know where to go. She helped me up after I fell on my butt, every time. She helped me see that I could trust people again. I let more people in. I knocked down a second, a third wall. There's still a part of the walls that aren't down yet. Some are up to ankle height, some up to my knees. But if I just climb a little, I can get over it. It's still there, so it's very easy to get back over it and sit behind it. Getting back over it to hide behind it is so much easier than climbing over to get away from it. It's a constant battle to keep them down. They might only be covering your toes, but they are still there. If you ignore the walls around your feet, they will just build themselves up again with those bricks you haven't gotten rid of yet. Letting your guard down is a process that you have to repeat in order for it to stay down. As soon as somebody does or says something that reminds you of how you got hurt in the first place it will jump back up and you're right at the start. You need to find a way to deal with those things. Sometimes I hear somebody laughing in a certain way and I feel like hiding again. But I try to remind myself that the things that have hurt me are in the past. I'm not the same person. I know I'm stronger than way back then. I'm still working on it. I know it will take some time for it to get easier but I'm finally attacking my problems. One thing you don't want to do is take down the walls and leave the bricks on the floor. You'll constantly look at the floor to make sure you don't hurt your toe or step on it. You'll be avoiding them. You don't want to avoid it, you want to get rid of it. There's a very big difference. Please let me know what you think. Share your experiences in the comments.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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