Hayley is turning two in April. I haven't spend one night away from her and I only went out with friends a few times. The last time was a few month ago. I went shopping with a friend. Before that, in October, I went to the movies with a group of friends. A while before that me and her dad went to the movies and I went to the mall with my sister one time. For 3 hours. I'm trying really hard to remember but I can't remember anything else. Maybe because there isn't anything else to remember.
I've been out 4 times since she's born. Four times in two years isn't healthy. Yeah sure we go to my aunt and hang out with her kids but when do I ever get some me time? The gym doesn't really count. I haven't gone there in months too. I'm 22 and I have no social life. My daughter is my life and even though I love her I can't wait to live again. Just a little. I deserve some me time. So why don't I take every opportunity? Maybe because I made myself believe that Hayley is more important me. Someone said that if I'm not happy, she won't be either. So I have to go out and do things so I can come home and be happy to see her. I wake up and I already count the hours till her first nap. That's not right. I don't want to do that. But it's because I'm always around her. I don't have a life of my own anymore and that's what I need to change. How? I need to make myself a priority again. I deserve to go out to see a movie once in a while. Get some drinks with the girls or go shopping by myself. Get out of the house, do something for me. I want to get a haircut and get my nails done. So why not? All I need is a babysitter. Yeah right. I need to start believing that I'm important enough to get pampered. I remember the last time I went to a nail salon. It was 2010 and I was visiting my cousin in San Francisco. She had an appointment and they squeezed me in. I want to take a day off from motherhood and just be 22. Go shopping without constantly smelling a butt to see if it needs a new diaper. Or looking for a place where I can breastfeed in peace. Just once I don't want to think about naps and diapers and milk and snacks. I just want to think of me. I always feel guilty when I think like this but why? Don't I deserve to be young? To enjoy myself? Her dad goes out a lot. Some mornings when I call him at 10.30 AM I wake him up and I feel jealous because I've been up since 6.45 that morning. I love being a mom but it's hard. I'm annoyed really fast. When she keeps putting her pencil in the keyhole in my bedroom door. Or when she keeps yelling from exitement. Even her dvd's are bothering me. I know it's because it's the same thing every day and night. I need to start telling myself, no. I need to start believing that I am worth it. That I deserve to go out sometimes. I deserve to do something for myself. So from now on I will. I know I deserve it, I just don't believe it yet. But I'm working on that. If you feel the same way I do, please repeat those words to yourself. You deserve to get pampered; do something for yourself. You need to enjoy life to. What are our kids without their mothers (or fathers)? How happy will they be if we're not happy? How do you feel about this subject? Do you believe that you deserve some me time? Do you give yourself some time off? Please let me know what you think in the comment section.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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