Because I don't have the balls to speak up, people can get away with a lot around me.
I don't even know where to begin when people throw certain things at me. The other day, there were men working on my kitchen and living room. Me and my daughter were on my bed watching TV. Without a warning one of the guys barged into my room and came to look at the heater. I was mad, on the inside but couldn't get myself to open my mouth and tell him to show some respect. This man was a stranger, I hadn't seen him before and I will probably never see him again, so why in the world couldn't I speak my mind to him? It's not only strangers, it's also people I am close with. People I see as friends. Even certain family members. I would rather eat my tongue, than say something that they might not like or receive the way I would have hoped. I am scared that my words will come out wrong and it will ruin the relationship I have with that person. Why I can't speak my mind around strangers is still a mystery to me. So is the reason behind my fear. Why am I scared to speak what's truly on my mind? Why can't I just say what's bothering me? To be honest, I think I'm scared to lose people. I don't speak to any of my so called friends from any time in my life. My relationship with my father is on the very edge of a cliff because I spoke my mind. The relationship with my mother isn't what it used to be because I finally told her what had been on my mind for a very long time. I'm scared to lose them so I rather shut up. Does it help me in any way? No! Because it gets to me and I get mad at myself for not telling them what I want when I want. In the beginning of my relationship I couldn't tell him anything. I would choke. It didn't matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. The few times I could I wished I hadn't said anything because I was terrified of his reaction. He helped me see that it is good to say what's bothering you. It took us 3 years but I can finally tell him if I'm angry and why, I still beat around the bush every now and then but I get to the point a lot faster. But that is one person. I don't want to be scared for people's reaction. Let them think what they want to and say what they want to, as long as I have shared my truth with them, it's no longer eating at me. Keeping your mouth shut when something is bothering you, in any situation, is wrong! Because I kept my mouth shut for so long, I became depressed. I started to believe that it wouldn't help anyone if I told them how I felt. Who would even care about it? Well, the truth is, people will respect you for having an opinion. They will maybe feel like you stepped on their toes at first, but will come to realize that you are also entitled to your own feelings and emotions. Ok, so back to the title of this entry. "How to speak my mind" 1. I have to take a deep breath. 2. I have to stop over thinking. If I have done that, I might even say a short prayer. Asking God to help me. Give me the right words to explain how I really feel. And most of the time, it's out before I realized I even started. It sounds so easy. But I know it's not. Maybe you have to take 10 breaths. And because you want to stop over thinking you might even start over thinking even more. Praying might not even seem to work because your jaws are locked whenever you try to speak. I remember times where I had pain in my jaws and a headache from forcing my mouth shut. It isn't worth it! If somebody is rude, is disrespectful to you or makes you feel uncomfortable you have every right to speak on it! It will do you good. You'll probably feel a little uncomfortable after the first few times but eventually, you will feel relieved. What's on your mind, is valuable information! How you feel, is important! How you feel, is not to be criticized, it's to be accepted. So please, next time you feel a certain way,whale a deep breath, let go of every fear in your body and speak your mind. Do you have trouble speaking your mind? How did you learn to speak up in stead of keeping it in? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. You can also go to my contact page and send me an email.
1 Comment
Tante A
5/23/2015 06:39:38 pm
The first thing you have to keep in mind is that most people dont cross your boundery on purpose. Dont react like they are your enemies but trie to tell them your feelings. That you are hurt, sad, surprised. It is the best way to start the conversation. Like the time the man who fixed your kitchen came into your bedroom. You could have sad that he tartled you or surprised you. This way you are not hostile but you give that person a valuable lesson. It feels much better this way, I think.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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