In my last post I told you about my ex. The reason I got help was because my mother knew something wasn't right and she kept asking until I cracked. I had chairs swung at my head, I've been thrown on the corner of my wooden bed. I could have been dead. I now realize that I should have screamed for help the very first time it happened. I think I was mostly ashamed of myself. For allowing it to ever get to that point. What does it say about me if I let him hurt me? Am I that weak? But I shouldn't have been ashamed. I should have been alarmed. That was his true nature and it didn't matter if he would have had an other girlfriend. It was just his way to deal with things. It said more about him than about me.
If you're in a situation like this, please raise your voice and tell somebody. Someone you trust. You also have to be prepared to break your heart. Because something in you loves him. You want to believe he can change. But when you move on and let your feelings cool down, you'll realize that it probably wasn't love. In my case it wasn't. He came in my life when I had no one else. He listened and he was the one I ran to when I wanted to escape. If I had someone else, I would have been able to go to that person to tell them what was happening in my life. I didn't love him. I was depending on him. He could make me feel on top of the world. But he was also able to take it away in a heartbeat. He controlled me. If he told me he wouldn't come over I would beg him to. I didn't want to be without him. But as soon as he got to my house I hated him and wished he would leave. He controlled me and I believed that I couldn't even be somewhat happy without him. He could really make me happy. He could make me laugh 'till I cried. Nobody ever made me happy. I didn't let anyone make me happy. But when I met him and he listened to me I let my guard down. That's where he took control over me. I let him. I thought I needed him. I had no other place to go. He was my first boyfriend. I didn't know how to be with someone. I didn't know how to be a girlfriend and he took advantage of it in every possible way. Most people think they understand what I went through but don't have the slightest clue of what it's REALLY like. Yes, I was in an abusive relationship. Yes, I had chances to leave and I didn't take them. No, that doesn't make it my own fault. That guy came in my life at a wrong time. My life was a mess. I was a mess and everyone around me saw it. Everyone but me. Could I have prevented it? Probably, but to be honest, I finally felt loved. I didn't want to believe he wasn't good for me. I kept forgiving him because I wanted to believe he had a good heart. He made me believe that he loved me. Maybe he did, at some point, in some weird, twisted way. All I'm really trying to say is, it happens. There are some guys walking around who are just out to get those who they think they can control. If it happened, don't be ashamed. Make a change. Speak up and help yourself. Think about this: - If he loves me, wouldn't he do everything in his power to prevent me from getting hurt? - If he loves me, shouldn't he be treating me like his queen? - Would anyone who loves me ever make me feel bad about myself? You know what the answers should be. If you failed to answer all three questions correctly, your relationship isn't healthy. Abuse is not only physical. Remember that! You are the only one who can change this situation. What I'm about to say sounds really insensitive, I know that. But believe me, it's the only thing you can do. Just leave. You have to make sure that you have people around you that are there to help you. Protect you. But all you can do is leave. Do everything you can because being in a relationship like that will destroy you. It will suck all the life out of you and the longer it takes for you to get away from it, the harder it will be to get yourself back; to get over it and it will be harder and harder to get your physical strength back. So please, do this for yourself and if you have kids, do it for them too. Don't let them believe that it's OK to be treated badly. Because it's not! You don't deserve to be treated like you are less than anyone. You deserve to be treated like the most special part of your partners life. Nothing less. Take action. Now! How do you feel about this subject? Have you been in an abusive relationship? How did you get away from it? Please share your feelings or/and experience in the comments. You might be able to help someone; save a life. Are you in an abusive relationship? Call someone, tell them what's happening and ask them to help you.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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