I have to be honest with you and myself right now. It's been getting more and more difficult to come up with topics to write about. Not because I'm losing interest in what I'm doing, not at all! But because I feel like I'm in the middle of a storm. Everytime I think the storm is ending, it starts on the other side.
I feel like my life is falling apart. Not all of it, but a lot. I feel like I'm losing my place in this world. The places I used to call home, now seem strange and make me feel uncomfortable, so do the people there. I also feel feel like I'm overreacting; like I should just shut up and deal with it on my own. Preferably behind closed doors with the blinders shut. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy because every time I feel some level of true happiness, something comes my way that will knock me over. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being tired. But you know, my life isn't falling apart. The broken relationships and the toxic people in my life are finally leaving. The people who I may love with my whole being, but were never able to return just a fraction of that love, they are finally leaving my life. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt every time I think about them. That [finally] doesn't mean that I'm even the slightest bit happy about it. I say finally because I can finally start healing from the countless wounds they have given me over the many, many years that they were close enough to hurt me. The lies they told, kept telling and the way they crushed my spirit with it. Those things will finally be done. But thinking about how I wont talk to them anymore, knowing them, for a whole lot of years, frightens me. I've spend my whole life trying to fix these relationships. But there's no way back right now. Not that I am sad about that. Im glad we can all move on and I'm glad I can finally heal myself so I can grow and finally find my happiness. I'm not overreacting. I'm an emotional person and I express what I feel. My feelings run deep and I'll keep them to myself for as long as I possibly can and then I fall apart. I break down and everything hits them at once. That doesn't mean that I'm exaggerating. I'm not overreacting. The way they treated me was unacceptable! I accepted it because I couldn't let go of what I felt for them. I had so much love while they seemed to have none. They kicked me and bullied me while laughing and it was 'all a joke'. I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. But before I can be, I have to break away from every thing toxic in my life. It hurts, so why would I? Because I want to be happy! What at are your thoughts/experiences? Share them in the comments or talk to me on Facebook; Twitter or Instagram. Have a good week, I hope you'll feel loved and cared for. Because you deserve it! If you want to have a one on one you can send me an email by going to my contact page.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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