I’m sitting here and all of the sudden I feel tears in my eyes. Why? Because this is the first time this week that I sat down with nothing but my thoughts. I’ve been so hooked on Netflix in my spare time that I haven’t had a chance to think. I have the radio on every time I do something around the house.
If I leave the house I have my headphones in. I make sure that I won’t be alone with my thoughts. A few months ago I bought a few books. A few days ago I picked one of them up and started reading it. I saved this one for last without thinking about it. The first page I read was a nudge in my side. As if somebody was trying to wake me up. Really slow. After a couple of paged the nudge became somebody knocking on the door. I read 65 pages and the knocking on the door turned into someone banging pots and pans together, screaming my name to wake me up. I realize that I’ve been making excuses so I don’t have to make a decision. But I also realize that not making a decision is also a decision. You decide not to change anything. But I made up my mind. I’m not ready to say it out loud. I can’t. Life as we know it will change for good. Thinking of the conversation I have to prepare myself for is devastating. The tears in my eyes are about to fall down my cheek and there’s no way I can stop them. But I’m tired of excuses. Life as we know it doesn’t feel the way it used to anyways. Change will be good but change will be difficult. I just wish there was an on/off switch on feelings and emotions. There isn’t and wishing for one will not make anything easier. I need to be alone with my thoughts just a little longer. I need to cry and get all of these emotions out of my system. All so I can have a clear view of what’s to come. All these tears in my eyes make it next to impossible for me to see what’s coming. I have so much on my mind but I don’t know where to begin. So I’ll just stop thinking for a little while. I’m going to get through this, no matter how hard it will be. I’ll figure it out. I’ve done it before. After everything that ever happened to me, I’m still standing. Talk to me in the comments or on Facebook; Twitter --> links in the sidebar. Or email me by going to my contact page. Stay strong!
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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