My stepmother was here when I started this blog. She was here when it was just an idea. She’s always been there for me, no matter the 9 hour time difference and any other thing that could have come between us. I thank God for her. She is the one who pulled out the person I am today. It started because of her and I will be forever grateful.
All I needed was someone to believe in something I couldn’t even see yet. But I was talking to her and it dawned on me that I’ve changed so much. Three years ago, I was a confused, angry, sad, pregnant girl who didn’t know what to do with her life. Two years ago, I was a confused, angry, sad mother who didn’t know what to do with her life and what to do with that sweet baby girl. 11 months ago, I decided to do something. I was responsible for this little child. Being my angry self, I couldn’t give her the world. I couldn’t show her how good life can be because I didn’t know. I told her that I am running out of topics to write about. But also that I feel light as a feather. Everything I kept hidden inside for all those years became so heavy and now I finally feel like that weight has been lifted. 11 months ago, I opened my eyes and looked for a solution instead of closing my eyes and wishing it away. I told her “I’m so happy now”. It makes me cry. I sitting here with tears in my eyes and I had to take my glasses off. I’m crying because I’m happy. This is what I wanted. To feel that my life mattered. I woke up today, way too early. Instead of turning around and forcing myself back to sleep I sat up and relaxed. I didn’t want to go back to sleep but it was still dark out so I just sat in bed, messing around on my phone. It might not sound like anything special to you but it does to me. Being able to get up and be happy that there’s a new day is rare to me. I’ve been figuring out what to write about for three days. I started writing something completely different and halfway through I changed my topic without even realizing it and the words just kept coming. This is what I had to say. I just didn’t stop to listen to myself yet. I’m glad I did. As soon as I start writing everything on my mind feels organized. The rest of the day it’s a mess but when I write it’s clear. That is when I start realizing things. Not before I open word. It’s when I’ve written half a page that things sink in. I’m happy. Not just that “I feel good today” kind off happy. I’m happy. I really feel so much lighter. I can take on the world right now. The thing that gets to me the most is that I’m able to let things go instead of allowing it to eat at me until I crawl into bed wishing I wouldn’t ever have to come out. I was thinking about what my life would be like if my stepmother hadn’t seen through my walls. Probably the same or worse. It takes one person. She was there when I felt that I had no one who believed in me. I even gave up writing for a few months before I started this blog. Look at me now. I’m writing at least twice or three times week. I focus on the little special things during the day. I changed my life. I changed myself, In 44 weeks. I’m so proud of myself! But... I'm never going to stop working on myself. I'm still a work in progress, just like everyone else. ;)
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
|