For a few weeks I’ve been having a difficult time finding my words. When a conversation is getting to emotional my mind goes blank and even when I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to write about, I can’t find a way to put the words in my head down in writing.
I can feel the tears building up and I feel that annoying itch in my nose when you’re about to cry but the tears won’t come. I wish they would so I can get this over with but I’m not sure what ‘this’ is. Maybe, unconsciously I knew these feelings would come and I would have to deal with them and maybe that’s the reason why I’ve been making plans to redecorate every single room in this house. Maybe that’s the reason why I started watching two new TV shows that I’ve been avoiding for months. I started watching the two shows my sister wanted me to watch because she loved them but I just didn’t care about either one of them but now, I’m watching episode back to back before I go to bed. Every moment I have to myself I catch myself opening Netflix. I’m hiding. I’m running from these emotions. But I don’t want that anymore. I’ve learned that dealing with my emotions as soon as they surface feels so much better than dealing with them after a long time. But that’s what I did. I kept my feelings hidden and buried my emotions deep enough that even I would forget they were there. That wasn’t the part that hurt. It was digging and digging until I found every hidden emotion and feeling. I had to cut my old wounds open in order for them to heal properly. That is what hurt the most. Feeling the pain you felt so long ago. Thinking about the things that happened with the same pain you had when you were living in that moment. That is what hurts. I’m not even done with all those hidden emotions, I’d be stupid if I would dig a new hole next to them to hide something else. What’s the point of it anyway? I’ll have to deal with it eventually. Just because it’s hidden doesn’t mean that it isn’t there. It won’t just disappear out of nowhere. I have to make it disappear and the only way I will be able to do that is to deal with it. This, for me, is dealing with it. Thinking about it, writing about it. I have to let myself feel those emotions. Sometimes they make me mad. Sometimes they make me cry. But as long as I’m dealing with it, I feel good. Knowing that I will never have to relive this pain again. How do I know that? Something only hurts when you don’t deal with it. You have to accept what happened. Accept the pain, anger and sadness and every other emotion and feeling it gives you. I still think about my past and what it did to me then, but I’m not mad or sad or in pain. It’s a memory. It’s behind me. It feels great to say that. It’s behind me. It is. Finally. But only because I dealt with the pain, and the anger and the sadness it gave me. Hiding your emotions is just a temporary solution. Sort of. In the end, you’ll have to deal with them. Better now than later, really. Last year I would still get mad at my dad for leaving. I was mad because of how I felt then. That feeling, that anger never left me. Now, I can talk about the whole situation without getting mad at my dad. Without having to fight my tears. Seriously, dealing with it is the only way to leave it behind you. I’m going to stop running and deal with this situation and everything that comes with it. Are you hiding your feelings or emotions? How do you deal with them? Please share your thoughts/experiences in the comments because I would love to know what you think. You can also email me -> fill in the contact form on the contact page. Or talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee We’ll be alright
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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