I feel like I’m standing with my nose against a wall. I can’t see a way around it. I know I have to take a few steps back in order to find a way around, over or through it. As long as I stay this close to this wall I won’t be able to move forward.
Sometimes, in order to move forward we have to take a (few) step(s) back. Taking a step back doesn’t mean you’re failing, even though it might feel like it. I’m at a point where I don’t know what I really want. My heart is trying to pull me towards the left but I know in my head I should go right. I’m good at making things more difficult than they should be. I think, in some way we’re all good at doing that. We keep getting in trouble because of the decisions we made. We’ll just have to make better decisions. If only it was that simple. Well, maybe it can be. If I know that going left will get me in trouble, why do I keep looking left? Why don’t I just turn around completely and run to the right? If I know that going right will be good for me and give me much more joy in the end, even though it might hurt a little now, why do I keep looking for something else? I know I love drama. Not that I want it, or like it, but it is what I know. It’s something I know how to deal with, sort of. I don’t know how to deal with peace. I don’t know how to be happy all the time. For some reason I go back to what I know. I wish I could just erase that part of my past so I can go on and live drama-free but I know that’s not how life works. I can’t just pretend that it never happened. If I would, I would have to pretend I was born this morning. Because there was drama yesterday! I’ll just have to find a way to make sure that tomorrow has less drama than yesterday, and the day after will have even less drama until I’ll live a sort of drama free life. I have to take a step back. What I want to do is take a few weeks off and go on vacation. But that’s not what I’m going to do. I’m done running away from my problems. I want to deal with them and I must say that I feel good about how I’ve been handling things over the last few months. But it’s just getting a little too much right now. I’m tired of not knowing what I want. I know what I should do but listening to your heart is so much easier than listening to your head. Actually I know what I want, but what I want is not what’s good for me and I’m well aware of that. Giving in to what I want would make everything much easier on me, right now. But I know it will make things even more difficult for me tomorrow. I don’t have to take a step back, if I search my mind I already know how to get away from this wall. Just follow my gut. I have to stop looking left and go right. Not tomorrow, not next week, today. Please share your thoughts/experiences in the comments. Or email me: Go to the contact page and fill in the form. Or talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee We’ll be alright ;)
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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