Over the last couple of months I’ve started to love life again and I started to appreciate the little things and the silver linings of things. I’m beginning to love my life as well. I’m still making adjustments but that is because I think I should live the best life possible.
Making those adjustments isn’t easy, I can’t stress that enough. It’s never easy to start over or to end something or even to start looking at things from a different perspective. But I believe it’s worth it. The pain you feel when you let go of something you held dear for a long time. Or opening your eyes far enough to see a truth you never would have imagined or never wanted to see. A friend of mine got dumped two weeks ago. She’s heartbroken. But they still text every day, pretty much all day. When we talked she explained how painful it was and that she wished things were different. Having your heart broken is the worst pain of them all. It seems to take forever to heal. Your emotions never seem to take a break. But the longer you hold on to what might have been the longer it will take for you to heal. My heart has been broken many times. Not just by boyfriends but by friends and even family. Just because you’re not dating someone doesn’t mean they don’t own a piece of your heart that they can crush at any given moment. That’s why I stopped opening my heart up to people. I might get disappointed and things might hurt but that’s it. But by closing my heart to a lot of people I started building a tiny wall around it. People can get close to me, we can have fun but I would jump the fence when they got too close. I don’t want that anymore. I talked about breaking down the walls (http://straightthinking.weebly.com/blog/take-the-walls-down), maybe it’s time for me to reread those entries. Building walls in never the answer. But I build walls because I never really took the time to deal with the heartbreaks. Letting go sucks. Especially if your heart doesn’t want to. But that’s when you have to look at the situation from an outsider. Which is difficult. You’ll have to put all your feelings to the side and see, really see that there’s nothing good that will come from holding on to something that isn’t yours anymore. Or maybe it is still yours. Maybe it’s toxic. Maybe it doesn’t make you better. Whatever it is, you have to allow yourself to see. I’ve decided to end things with my boyfriend. My whole heart loves him but I had to allow myself to see that we weren’t good for each other. We weren’t making each other better. We weren’t even making each other happy. I think that sometimes, love isn’t enough. Now, I have to let go. I have to give it time but I also know I can’t keep holding on to him. Moving on and starting over is something I’m not even ready to think about but I know that there will be a time that I do want to start over. The only way I will ever be able to start something new, is if I end this, also in my heart. What good is it to me if I keep my mind occupied with the thought of what might have been or the what if’s? There’s nothing good that can come of it because I will be heart broken by the time he is ready to move on. In order to make adjustments you’ll have to look at the situation from an outsider’s point of view. That way you’ll be able to see everything more clearly. No matter what the situation is, you’ll have to put your feelings aside so you can see the truth and what has to be done (that’s why it’s so easy to give advice to others but so difficult to apply that same advice on our own lives). The first time I opened my eyes I felt nauseated. I started to feel sick. I cried for hours at a time, for days. My heart broke into millions of pieces and I thought I wouldn’t make it out alive. But I had to get through it. At some point I was sick of my tears and I wanted to let it go. I had to let it go. Being that sad wasn’t doing anything good for me so I had no other choice. Every time I opened my eyes after that became less and less painful. The last thing I found out just sounded ridiculous to me. I laughed. That same thing would have broken my heart a few months ago. But I had practice. I didn’t even get mad because I knew getting mad wouldn’t solve anything. I let things sink in, I thought about it and yes, I did get mad for a moment when I really started to think about it. But I decided that it would be better FOR MYSELF to not stay angry. So I could move on. It’s in the past, what am I going to do about it now? Knock on God’s door and ask if he can turn back time? No. I’m happy I found out but it doesn’t matter anymore. But making adjustments is never easy. I still think it’s difficult. I just don’t let it get to me the way it used to. Are you making adjustments in your life? How are you dealing with the pain that comes along with it? How do you feel after you let everything sink in? Please let me know what you think in the comments, or email me (contact form) or talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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