I didn’t like the old me but something was holding me back to change, even if it meant that I would come out better, stronger.
I can’t remember what happened that made me want to change myself and the way I viewed myself and life in general. All I know is that I did. A lot has changed in my life since I changed my mind. It started there, in my head. But because that happened, everything else had to change with it. And it did. Everything that had to change, changed. Well, almost everything. I’m still a work in progress. One of the things that I had to change was the way I viewed myself. I had to learn how to respect myself before I could change anything else about myself. It hurt. Thing became clear. I started to see that I allowed people to disrespect me. I wasn’t proud of myself and I started to feel down. My ‘remedy’ is eating. As soon as I feel down I look for sugars and all kinds of garbage to ‘feel better’. I let myself go and I started to gain weight. A lot of weight. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that a friend, who I hadn’t seen in a few months, pointed out that I gained so much weight. I went home and felt really bad. But I needed to hear it. Now I’m working on finding the right diet which I will start the end of this month. I respect myself enough to see that this is not healthy and if I don’t change, it will all go downhill from here. I also had to learn how to see what’s best for me. Who I should keep close and who I should take a step back from. Some people weren’t in my life to build me up. They, maybe unintentionally kept me back. A few people even made me feel bad about myself every time we talked. Other friends just didn’t have the same goals as me, the opposite even. So I had to see what was best. Be a little selfish. Entertaining others or keeping others happy, kept me from being happy. Learning how to respect myself, love myself and grant myself the best was more than painful. I lost friends and I had to dig really deep to find truths that I had to know. I grew up believing that I was a terrible child, but because I kept digging I found out that I wasn’t. I always doubted my worth, since I was a little kid. Now I know certain things I am finally free of what made me believe I had little to no worth. Digging is difficult and if you’re not sure why you do it, you’ll want to give up. I wanted to give up a couple of times but I had made up my mind. I want to be better and I want to get rid of all the anchors I was carrying with me. I didn’t feel like I was just carrying a bunch of weights on my shoulders. It didn’t just slow me down. I got stuck and I couldn’t move forward. I had anchors and I got rid of some of them, so I can move again, I’m going forward. But I know it’s just a matter of time before the rope tightens and I’m stuck again. I’ll have to find ways to keep dropping the anchors so there won’t be anything holding me back anymore. But it’s like I said earlier… I’m a work in progress. I’ll get there. Please share your thoughts / experiences in the comments. Or send me an email by filling in the contact form on the contact page. Orr talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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