I’ve been trying to figure out a lot of things lately. I’ve been looking for answers. When I started all of this I was scared. I wasn’t sure of anything in my life. I doubted myself and everything around me. I questioned people’s intentions and it made me sad.
Crazy enough, I didn’t expect this to have such an impact on my life. I didn’t expect to change so much, so quickly. I believed that I was that person; shy, insecure, scared. Now I see that it was my rock bottom. I was unhappy and settled for anything I could get. It’s been only 31 weeks. But I’m not in the same place anymore. I feel stronger and happier. Writing these entries every week keeps me busy. But not just busy, I’m being productive. I sort of force myself to think about what’s bothering me and I force myself to find a solution. A while ago when something was bothering me or when I held myself back, I used to ask myself 4 questions. - Why does this bother me/why do I do this? - What’s the point (of worrying about this/of doing this)? - What’s the result (if I keep worrying about it/if I keep doing this)? - How am I going to stop worrying about/doing this? I noticed that I haven’t asked myself these questions in a few weeks. Maybe I do, but not in the same way. Maybe I’ve learned to find those answers before the red flag in my head goes up. I feel calmer. Like whatever is going on, will be alright. So there is no reason to stress over it. Off course I still worry about things. But I don’t let worry control me anymore like I used to. I allowed worries to creep into my mind and infect all of my happy thoughts. My worry was replacing my good thoughts up to a point where I didn’t have good or happy thoughts to fall back on to lift my spirit. I try not to be negative. I try to be as positive as possible. It’s not easy. Even right now, my eyes fill with tears. Not because I’m so happy but because I’m hurt in ways I don’t know how to describe (No, I don’t want to know because I don’t want to talk about it, yet). Every time I start to feel a hint of happiness, something comes in to try to break me down. Let’s just call it life. But that doesn’t make it easier. I’m going through two very difficult and emotionally draining situations but I refuse to give in and more importantly give up. I’ve worked too hard to get here. No matter how hard the situation will get, I will not feel sorry for myself. I will cry, let everything out. But as soon as I dry my last tear, I will get up and look for a reason to smile. A real reason! I’m done pretending. If I can’t smile, I won’t force it. But I’d rather smile than don’t so I will keep looking for reasons to smile until I have found at least one. I think of it this way: When life throws something in front of my feet, ignoring it, isn’t an option. But I can choose to trip and keep walking or to fall over it and having to get back up from the ground. Sometimes even that isn’t a choice. Sometimes I’ll fall, HARD. But when I have a choice, I will trip, find my balance and go on. And even if I fall, I will not let it hold me down. I will get up and go on. It’s all about finding a good balance. I have enough to worry about but I try to let the things go that I can’t control. It’s making life a whole lot easier. I want to keep growing. I want to find me and I won’t ever stop growing and looking for a better me. And you know what, just between us, I’m starting to like me a little bit again. Don’t get discouraged when you fall, it’s about how you get up that counts. Keep a positive attitude and look for reasons to smile, there are plenty! Please, let me know what you think. Write a comment or send me an email via the contact page. Or tweet me @uGottaLoveAimee I’m here, I’m listening and I want all of us to grow and become who we know we can be! Let’s do it together.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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