It feels like I've been laying here for hours. In reality I've only been in bed for about 35 minutes. I feel restless and even meditating doesn't help. Those mosquito bites all over my body itch like crazy even though they haven't itched much ever since I got them two days ago. It even itches on places were I haven't been bitten.
I feel restless. The wheels in my head won't stop turning and the noise they make is driving me insane. I wish I could plug my ears to stop listening to my thoughts. I just got up to measure the size of my bag that I'm planning on taking on my flight in a few days. - I GOT UP FROM MY BED TO MEASURE MY BAG!!!! My head is tired. But my body refuses to calm down so I ecan rest. My alarm will go off at 6.40... 5 hours and 32 minutes left. That makes me anxious too. Not getting enough sleep. So I'm losing sleep over not getting enough sleep, makes total sense 😒 It's so loud in my head. I keep thinking about all the things I want to do before monday. I also agreed to meeting my friends tomorrow which sounded like a lot of fun but now... I'm being completely honest right now, nothing sounds worse. All I keep thinking about is what it was that made me think that making myself presentable, leaving my house and having fun with friends was a good idea. I'm not overreacting but I just started tearing up. It sounds like I have to climb Mount Everest without anything to hold on to. I'd rather stay at home and regret not going out than going out. The noise in my head seems to turn down its volume. Can it turn itself back up? Because now I'm confronted by my reality. Now I can't hide behind the 20 different things I worry about at once. Now I'm focused on one and being focused on one thing means you have to do something about it. I hate it. I can't cancel and I don't really want to but I also don't want to go. I'm confused. I hate it! It must be so confusing to read my story. One week I'm on a cloud and I'm happy and everything's perfect and the next week I'm in the middle of... no. I am a hurricane. That's what it feels like. I feel like a storm is raging inside me and it's draining my battery. I'm neglecting everything around me and I'm not putting any time in any relationship what so ever and I'm scared to ruin everything. I'm scared that I'll look back when the storm passes just to see that there's nothing to look at anymore. I've spend the last 20 minutes writing and thinking... more thinking than writing. I'm a mess. I just hope I won't turn it everything else in my life into one too.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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