Sometimes when I look back at my life it feels like it's all a lie; like I made it all up because how is it possible for all of that to be real?
How is it possible that one person went through so much shit before turning 20? 18 even. How is that possible? Life has been getting a lot harder recently. Not because something happened but because of everything that I thought I dealt with. No I know I dealt with those things and I put it behind me but now there's all this room for new pain. It doesn't so much hurt as it is overwhelming. I struggle with believing that it actually happened. Mostly because I can't imagine feeling what I felt back then. The 4 times a day that I would stand on the train platform, considering if jumping would make everything better. I can't imagine even being so depressed or weighed down by my problems that I'd think about that now. To be honest, I don't know what it is that makes me cry so much these days... yes. I don't know. I'm working on figuring it out but it's too much right now. I want to know but I don't feel like it right now. My head is full. I feel numb at times and I just want to escape. I want to stop feeling this pain. I want to escape but I can't. I feel like I'm being torn apart, trying to keep my head up. I hate how my head is filled with negativity. But the negativity In my life just keeps piling up. I wish all the pain would just go away. My daughter is what keeps me from giving up hope. She is the reason that I smile each day, through everything. My babygirl, my heart beats for and because of her. I just want to be happy... I'm not giving up! I have to much to keep fighting for. I just wish my fight wasn't as hard...
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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