I don't think anything in my life was ever easy. But now, all of the sudden things just happen. Good things. I don't carry the past on my shoulders anymore and now, the things that happen are so different from before. When something really good happens, I wonder if it's real.
I wonder if it's going to be taken away from me at some point in the near future. I wonder if the feeling it gives me is extreme, or exaggerated. Being happy scares me. Why, I have asked myself so many times. I believe it's because it's a new feeling. Something I haven't experienced in a way like this. I am scared to go too fast and ruin it for myself. I'm scared that I'll sabotage it. By not believing that this is real... If it isn't, and I wake up tomorrow morning feeling depressed again, well at least let me enjoy this dream. But this isn't a dream. This is my life. I should enjoy it even more. But I'm really scared. I'm not scared to be happy, per se. I'm scared that I've had so much drama that I'll turn this into what I know... more drama. I don't want to look for it or cause it but just imagine, what if that's all I know how to do? You know what, if that happens, I can only try to find a way out of it. But let me try my hardest to stay away from drama. It doesn't bring anything good to your life, my life. I love my life right now. I wouldn't want to go back at all. I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. I think I just had to say it out loud. I'm scared to self sabotage. But I know that I'm strong enough to prevent that from happening. No, I'm not scared to be happy. I'm scared of myself. I'm going to change that! I'll have to. I am the person I need to spend time with. I can't be afraid that I might ruin every good thing that happens to me. Part of me doesn't understand where the fear is coming from because I know that I don't ruin the good things that happen to me. I think it's just because I haven't had too many good things happening so I'm just not sure how to deal with it or react to it. But no matter what happens, I'm going to make it work and I'm going to make sure that I'm not going to be the one who stands in my own way! Please, share your thoughts in the comments or talk to me on twitter /Instagram/Facebook --> links in the sidebar. Or send me an email via the contact page.
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AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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