I see you.
I see your qualities and your beauty. Very clearly. I see your strength and your will. I see your wisdom and your potential. I see you for who you are and I accept that because with flaws and all, you are a masterpiece. Now, I finally see myself. I see my qualities and my beauty. I see my strength and my will. I see my wisdom and my potential. I see me for who I am and I accept that because with flaws and all, I am a masterpiece. I am the person I’m supposed to be right now. I can finally say how proud I am to be this person. To be ME. It’s easy to look at a stranger and accept them for who they are but it is hard to look at yourself and do the exact same thing. It’s easy to accepts a friend’s flaws because you know they have plenty of good to make up for the … bad (?) but it’s hard to do the exact same thing for yourself. I’ve been struggling to accept myself for… ever. I had a few days where I looked at myself and I was happy to see me but the day after that, everything I felt the day before had vanished into thin air. Now I finally see me. I see my flaws and I see my strengths. I see my will and my potential and I know that I’m good the way I am. Why worry about who I have to be next year? I’ll be the person I need to be, next year. But if I worry about being that person now, the me that lives in the present will not be who I need to be now. I need to be me. Accept me for me. Now that I see me, I can show the world who I am. World, here I come. You better be ready because I have something to offer no one else can offer.
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I have been looking for answers for everything this past year. I wanted to hear or have an explanation for everything that ever happened to me. I wanted to know the things nobody else cares about.
I have been wondering what kind of child I was. What kind of person was I growing up? Because I can’t remember what I was like. What I liked to do… My grandmother told me she has never in her life wondered what she was like. Because it wasn’t important to her. She knew who she was from her memories and that was enough. But I take things a little bit too far sometimes and I want to know more. But I am not the person I was last year and definitely not the person I was 20 years ago. I am me, right now. But next year, I won’t even be the same as I am today. So why should I keep holding on to who I was? I stopped asking questions. Mostly. Asking questions is what made things in my family worse. Not having answers was hurting me. But asking questions was hurting others. Sometimes it’s just better to let go. But I got answers. Not all the answers I was initially looking for but the ones I needed to move forward. I can’t keep holding on to the past and move forward in any kind of way. It has been a long journey and it came with a lot of pain but that gave me a chance to heal the way I was supposed to. I’m happy I made the decision to work on myself. I’m growing each day and I couldn’t be more proud. But something that was important for me to heal and grow last year, doesn’t need to come with me for the rest of this journey. Something I needed yesterday can even start slowing you down today. You need to figure out when to let go of something. For instance, I need to let go of all those questions I had back then. I also know that it’s time for me to focus on something else. Something that has been bothering me for 5 years but only realized this past week. I said that I moved on and I forgave all parties involved. In some way, it’s true but I haven’t forgiven completely and there is one person that I haven’t forgiven at all. I don’t need to forgive for all of them. I have to forgive them, for me. And in order for me to heal and move on from this the only thing I can do, is let go of everything that has become irrelevant to the wound I’m trying to focus on now. Sometimes you just have to let go and focus on something else. Because if you hold on to the same thing for too long, it will become a whole different problem. Something you can put on the bottom of your “to-do” list. We’re trying to cross everything off, not add anything on. You’ll know when it’s time to let go. Because you’ll feel at peace with it. I know I do… Don’t get me wrong, I’m not schooled for this and I can only tell you what I think, how it worked for me. IF it worked for me… these are my methods. This is how I heal(ed) and I hope that there’s something in here that you can apply to your wounds so you can heal properly. But I’ve tried to let go of things in the past. I couldn’t because I didn’t take the time yet to deal with it and to heal from it. But now that I worked those things out in my head it became so easy to let it go. You know, if you step on glass and you look at your foot, you’ll see that little piece sticking out. When you pulled it out, it will seem like there’s nothing there. Sometimes when you put your finger on that cut you’ll feel that there’s still something there that you have to get out. If you ignore it, it will keep hurting you every time you walk or stand. That is not the time to let go. If you take the time to get the glass out of the wound, it will heal and you won’t feel a thing after. It might hurt and you might have to dig a little deeper to get to it, but once it’s out, it’s over. Take the time to dig a little deeper and the minute you reached the problem, deal with it, pull it out and let it go. Please share your thoughts/experiences in the comments. Or talk to me on Facebook or twitter à links in the sidebar. Or email me: Go to contact and fill in the contact form and press send. I’d love to hear from you. Don’t forget, say it with me: I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else! It’s been a while since I started writing and I would just throw out anything that bothered me. Why? Because I’m too concerned about what you might think; what anyone may think. I’m holding back and it’s something I’ve done a lot in my life and I don’t want to do that anymore.
I don’t want to show a part of myself while hiding the majority of that same part. I don’t know how to further explain that, you either understand what I mean or not. I’m sorry. Wait. Did I just apologize? Did I really just say ‘I’m sorry if you don’t understand what I feel?’ I don’t even know if it’s a good or a bad thing. Either way, I need to stop apologizing for what I feel. I am a complicated person with a lot of baggage and I’m trying my best to get through everything but apologizing for what I feel will not help me. I am guilty of apologizing for my feelings but I am so sick of it! I am me and I am not going to change because someone has a problem with it or doesn’t understand. I feel what I feel and my feelings are what they are because I/they have a reason to. I always put someone’s feelings before my own. I always felt like someone else deserved to feel what they felt more than me. This is in general. I’ve done this with almost everyone. Once it gets to the point where our feelings are out in the open and I feel like what I feel won’t be easy for you to hear, I stop talking. I hold it in and keep it to myself. I need to start putting my own feelings before anyone else’s feelings. Because I have to live with mine. I have to get through my baggage, not add more. You know what, I’m awesome. I’m not perfect, but I am awesome. I’m definitely a work in progress but I’m working on it and I don’t need anyone to tell me that what I feel is wrong. Maybe in their eyes it is, but in mine… they are the truth. So I am going to stop apologizing for what I feel and who I am and I’m going to keep working on myself and I’m going to continue to unpack my bags. That’s all I can do for now. Oh and by the way, you do know you’re awesome, right? Let me know what you think in the comments below. Or email me or click the buttons in the sidebar to go to my social media accounts Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. We’re all a work in progress and that’s more than OK. Embrace it because you are exactly where you need to be right now ;) I want to read this entry again in about 20 years. Just to see if I succeeded.
My daughter is a little angel. She’s so sweet and she is so smart. She’s always dancing, singing or making music. Trying to write her own name at 2 and a half years old. She’ll tell you all about her day, sometimes so fast she skips half of the word because it isn’t going fast enough. She’s tall too. Everybody thinks she’s almost four years old while she still has 4 months left of being two. I love her with all my heart and I want to give her the world. I want to give her the support she needs to become anything and everything she wants. I will support her financially and mentally. Especially mentally. I want to be the person she can run to when she needs advice. I want to be the person she’ll run to when things aren’t going the way she wants it but also when things are going exactly as planned! I want to be there for her every step of the way. Most of all I want to make sure that she will move out of my house a woman. A woman who is ready to face the world on her own. I want to make sure she’s confident and ready to stand on her own two feet. I want to raise her to know what she’s worth. I don’t want her to have to find out on her own. By the time she’s ready to move out she won’t have to recover from her childhood. She won’t have daddy issues because her parents separated. She’ll know everything there is to learn from her dad. She’ll know how a man is supposed to treat his woman. She’ll know how to be a wife to a good man. She’ll know that no matter the day or hour, she can always come to her parents. No matter if it’s for a cup of tea or a shoulder to cry on, our doors will always be open for her. She’ll know that no new wife of daddy or husband of mommy will ever come before her. She’ll know that they won’t ever form a treat to her. She’ll know that even if her parents have a new partner and new kids, we’ll always be one big family. My daughter will never question my love for her. She will always know that my heart beats for her. She will know that there is nothing that can make me stop loving her. No matter how old she gets, she’ll always be my baby who makes me emotional every time I see her be herself. She’ll always be loved. She’ll always be cared for. She’ll always be welcome. She is the best ‘thing’ that ever happened to me. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t even be who I am today and I am grateful for that every single day! |
AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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