My sister is going through something and I want to do everything I can possibly do to help her. Hold on, I want to rephrase that: I will do everything I can possibly do to help her.
Even though she doesn’t act like it, she still is my LITTLE sister! I love her with more than all my heart and I would do anything and everything to protect her. But I need to learn how to let her lick her own wounds and let her find her own cures. That is hard for me to do because I don’t want to see her in pain. So when I see everyone around her just standing around, not paying attention to how wounded she is, everything inside me is telling me to rush over and help her because I was in that position and I didn’t like it so I want to make it easier on her. I’m learning how to give her advice and listen to her so she can deal with this in her own way so she’ll heal properly. On the other hand I’m doing my best to not let it influence my growth and happiness. I’ve learned that you can best help someone if you have peace. How can you help someone find their peace if you yourself are in a storm? But also, don’t let that person pull you into their storm! Keep your feet on the ground and your vision clear. Sometimes I have to take a step back from her situation, meditate on it and think about how I got out of that same storm. After doing all of that, I can start figuring out which advice will work for her. Even if I’ve prepared every word I want to say in advance, as soon as we talk, I say things I didn’t think of before. You know what? I don’t know how to help my sister out of her storm. It makes me sad but I know I can only be here for her if I don’t let her current situation affect my life. Because if I allow that to happen, I’ll get depressed. What good would that do her? Me? My family? None! So I listen to her, we talk about everything, I give her a shoulder to cry on if she needs it and I make sure she knows that I am always here. 24/7. I can describe this in a whole lot of very beautiful words but it’s simple. Opening myself up to her also helps. By sharing the details of my story she never heard before my story becomes relatable to her. And sure, I do think about it, more than I should, but that’s just who I am. I’m a thinker. But I don’t let it consume me. I don’t let it become my personal problem. If I do, I can’t do anything to help her. I’m doing everything I can to make it a little easier on her but I can’t do it for her. It sucks but she has to do it herself and to be honest, she’s doing such a good job. I’m proud of her! Help that person that needs you, just don’t let their pain because you pain! Please share your thoughts/experiences in the comments below or send me an email. You can also talk to me on Twitter @uGottaLoveAimee or Facebook @ Straight Thinking. (My Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are in the sidebar, just click on the button) I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else.
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Why do I let certain people disappoint me? Why do I expect so much of them while I know they’ll never live up to it? Probably because I would be willing to do that much for them.
Just because I would run through fire for someone, doesn’t mean that person would do the same for me. But even though I know that, it wouldn’t feel good if I wouldn’t do it if they needed me to. Maybe all it takes for them to see how they treat me, is for me to treat them the same way. If they decide to keep their distance and live their lives, maybe I should do the exact same thing. If they decide to treat me like a stranger for everyday of the month and then act surprised when I’m shocked to see their name on the caller-ID, maybe I should treat them like strangers too. But I’m bigger than that. I don’t want to sink to their level just to prove a point. I want to show them how I feel but in the meantime, I just want to move on from them. I’m tired of trying to make everybody like me. If you don’t now, you probably never will. If you say you do, act like it. I’m not going to sit around and hope for the day that you’ll start showing that you like me. We’re either friends, who can fall back on each other and know the other person will be there whenever you need them, even if we haven’t seen each other for a little while… or we’re not. I’m not going to pretend we’re friends. The ones who don’t talk to each other and don’t even think of each other. The ones who don’t have each other’s back. I’m not going to say we’re one thing while both of us know we’re not. I let certain people disappoint me because I love them. I expect so much of people because I wouldn’t doubt to do that same thing for them if not more. I let certain people disappoint me because I care. Because I want the best for them. If I see that one of my friends is hurt, I will do everything I can to help them. Maybe I’m a fool for expecting the same thing in return. No, I don’t expect the same thing. I expect a certain level of respect in return. I expect the basics of what you can expect from someone. I’m still learning to care about someone from a distance. I like to have the people who own a part of my heart close. I don’t care if I only see you once every 5 years because you live on the other side of the world or if you live across the street and we see each other every morning while we open the curtains. I want to know that that person knows that they can count on me and I want to know that I can count on them. But you can’t. You can’t expect someone to be there for you, no matter what your relationship is with that person. Not your high school best friend or the neighbor you lived next to since you were born. Not even your family. You’ll have to wait and see. Hope for the day that when you need someone, they’ll be there, I guess. I wish I knew how to handle this. I wish I knew what to do with this. But I don’t. I guess you can’t find the answers to everything. But you can learn how to live with it. I know I won’t put people on pedestals just because they’ve been in my life for a long time or we went through something together. I won’t anymore. The higher you put them, the more they can disappoint you. I’ve seen it so many times, so why do I keep putting them up there? It’s easy to say it: I won’t put people on pedestals anymore. I won’t expect anything from people anymore. The truth is, it isn’t that easy. I know I will keep putting people on pedestals because I truly believe they deserve to be up there. Even though they kick me every time they fall off. I’ll just have to learn how to keep my expectations low. Please share your thoughts in the comments. You know I’d really love to hear what you think! You can also email me by filling in the contact form on the contact page. Or talk to me on Twitter @uGottaLoveAimee or Facebook @ Straight Thinking. (My Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are all in the sidebar, just click on the button and it will take you there ;D) I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else. I’ve allowed anger and pain to run my life for a long time. I didn’t have anything else. It came naturally to me to live like that. But then I reached a point where I wanted to change that. I wanted to be happy and I made sure I did everything I could to break those walls that I had built because I became their prisoner. I had to fight that voice in my head that kept telling me I wouldn’t ever be something.
I had to change the way I looked at life, myself, others… I had to change my entire view on everything. I had to cut open my scars in order for them to heal properly so it would stop hurting. It wasn’t easy but hey, look at me now. I did it. My wounds started to heal and not having to live with pain made it possible for me to start living. I allowed God back into my life and I left that place of self-doubt, anger, pain and depression behind. I haven’t felt depressed in such a long time I don’t even know what it feels like and believe me, not knowing feels sooooooooo good! I can remember how I felt but I can’t remember what it feels like to wake up like it and the random thoughts, etc. What I have to do now is fill the gaps which used to be filled with all that negativity with positivity. I decided to focus on positive things this year. I am going to make sure that I see the beauty of the world and the good things in my life. I’m planning on going places this year. I want to see place I haven’t seen. I want to show my daughter how to focus on all the good instead of the bad things in life. I stopped watching the news. I’m one of the last to find out there’s a war going on. I’m the last to find out but I don’t care. Watching the news and seeing everything that’s wrong with the world doesn’t make me happier and since I have the privilege to choose if I see what’s going on in the countries that are at war or not, I choose not to. I can’t deal with negativity. It sucks me in and it makes me depressed and I choose to stay as far away from it as possible. I also stay away from people who make me feel bad. I stopped following a couple of people on social media because I don’t want to read what’s bad in their lives. But also the people I hang out with. If talking to you always makes me feel bad for you or makes me feel bad about myself then I choose to stay away from you. I want more positivity in my life and I will make that happen! Are you with me? Please share your thoughts in the comments or send me an email -> Contact page -> contact form. Like Straight Thinking on Facebook. @ Straight Thinking. Let’s make the next year a positive one! While we were getting ready to leave the house yesterday I asked ‘how do I look?’ a few times. I asked how my hair looked, how I looked in the outfit I was wearing. Which shoes would fit better. If I hadn’t put on too much make-up. Even while we were out, I asked it again. I kept looking in every mirror I passed. Only when we got home and I looked in the mirror while I took my jacket off I realized what I had been doing that whole day.
Why did I need so much confirmation? I know how I look in those jeans. I know I liked the way I had done my hair. I loved my look. So why did I need someone else to love it before I would step outside? There are days where I don’t even care one bit and I jump in one of my sweatpants, put my hair in a bun (not the ‘perfect’ messy buns you see on Instagram) and bring my baby to day care. Other days I spend some time to do my make-up, dress up. But that’s all for me. I wasn’t trying to look good for anyone but myself. Or was I? Even though I want to answer that question, I know I won’t like the answer. Yes, I think I was trying to look good for someone else. That can’t be. I won’t accept that. I refuse to let someone else determine my value. I refuse to let someone else decide how good I feel. I look good and if I know that, why would I need someone else to tell me that before I feel good? You can’t let nobody else make you feel good. I know I’ve talked about this before but I can’t stress this enough! You are in charge of how you feel, as you should! Look in that mirror. You are beautiful! It won’t matter if the whole world calls you beautiful if you don’t believe that. So make sure you believe it. Because once you do, you don’t need one other person to tell you how good you look because you already know! I’ve been gaining some weight lately. I told myself I would start to lose weight a few months ago, I went the other way. I had to buy bigger jeans and it made me feel a little insecure. I’m not proud of myself because I let myself go. But there are two thing that I can do right now. I can go sit in the corner and cry with a bowl of ice cream on my lap or I can start taking care of myself again. I’ve decided to start taking good care of myself again. I’ve been looking for someone who can train me because if I go to the gym by myself… I won’t push myself enough. But that’s not the point! I’ve decided to make myself feel good. Planning on going to the gym again, makes me happy! Why? Because it’s a first step. This morning, I was getting myself ready and I looked in the mirror. I smiled. I hadn’t done my hair yet, I threw on the first shirt I saw. There was nothing special about my look. But I smiled. Because I know I’m beautiful. I don’t need anyone else to tell me that. I kicked my own ass last night because I couldn’t believe I allowed myself to feel so insecure! I woke up feeling a lot better and stronger and more beautiful than ever. Wake up, look in that mirror and say ‘Good morning beautiful’. Say it until it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. Don’t stop there. Just make it part of your ritual. 3 words. Do it before you put on your make up or whatever. Don’t wait for that ‘good morning beautiful’ text. You should put that smile on your own face! Don’t wait for anyone else to put it there! Talk to me! Let me know what you think and/or share your experiences in the comments below. You know you also email me, right? Go to my contact page and fill in the form, it will go straight to my phone so I will read it first chance I get. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @uGottaLoveAimee I know I don’t say it enough, but thank you for being here. |
AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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