Everybody has baggage but nobody wants to pay extra because they packed too much. So what you do, you pack your bags carefully, weigh it at home and take out whatever you can miss to get the weight down, because you don’t want to pay extra. It’s easy.
When you plan on getting into a new relationship, you need to pack lightly because over packing means you will pay the price. Not only when you get into a relationship but for yourself too. Less weight is easier to carry. Your baggage isn’t just a suitcase full of clothes. So it’s not as easy to get rid of extra weight. But you need to work on it. Way before you think about getting involved with someone else. If you still carry all the weight from your life, your relationship will collapse eventually. You can collapse too. At some point, keeping all that weight of all the things ever happened on your shoulders will eventually cost you. Maybe you’ll get depressed. Maybe you just can’t do it anymore. For some, the price may be higher than for others but none of us are the same. Neither is the weight we carry. I’ve learned that I had to get rid of my pain the hard way. I kept holding on to everything that ever happened to me. I tried to forget. I wanted to shut it out of my head but instead of blocking out the bad things, I started blocking out everything else. I couldn’t remember the smallest things like what I had for breakfast THAT DAY. I couldn’t remember my appointments and stopped caring about everything that mattered. I slept through the day so I wouldn’t have to face my mother or sister (or anyone else for that matter). I gave up on life. I just didn’t want to live my life anymore. I wished for a different life. A life where I could feel good about myself and nothing bad ever happened. I wanted a fairytale. I know now, that holding on to that weight will only put you in a deeper hole. I wanted to get out but had no idea how. As you know, I started writing these weekly entries. They’ve helped me in a way that’s still amazes me. I got rid of weights, small and big, that I didn’t even know were there. It’s been such a chaotic mess on my shoulders that I didn’t even want to look into it to fix it. But I’m happy I did. It’s ok to carry some things with you. But don’t hold on to everything. Everything is a lot. Everyday something happens and if you keep holding on to all the negativity in your life you will become nothing else but negative. I know this because that was me! I was negative all the time. I wouldn’t smile and I didn’t care about what anybody thought of me, because I was building my walls so high that I was looking through a bunch of clouds. Nothing was clear to me then. I got rid of the weight my ex put on me but I didn’t forget. I will never forget, but what happened is in the past. I can keep looking back but I’ve already been there, so why would I want to keep revisiting that painful situation? I don’t but even if I would, it won’t hurt anymore. I threw that pain away. I let go of the feelings that came with it. I’ve never felt so light in my life. Is your baggage to heavy? How are dealing with it? Please, share your thoughts and/or experiences in the comments. Or send me an email by going to my contact page and filling in the form. Or talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee We’ll be alright! ;)
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Over the last couple of months I’ve started to love life again and I started to appreciate the little things and the silver linings of things. I’m beginning to love my life as well. I’m still making adjustments but that is because I think I should live the best life possible.
Making those adjustments isn’t easy, I can’t stress that enough. It’s never easy to start over or to end something or even to start looking at things from a different perspective. But I believe it’s worth it. The pain you feel when you let go of something you held dear for a long time. Or opening your eyes far enough to see a truth you never would have imagined or never wanted to see. A friend of mine got dumped two weeks ago. She’s heartbroken. But they still text every day, pretty much all day. When we talked she explained how painful it was and that she wished things were different. Having your heart broken is the worst pain of them all. It seems to take forever to heal. Your emotions never seem to take a break. But the longer you hold on to what might have been the longer it will take for you to heal. My heart has been broken many times. Not just by boyfriends but by friends and even family. Just because you’re not dating someone doesn’t mean they don’t own a piece of your heart that they can crush at any given moment. That’s why I stopped opening my heart up to people. I might get disappointed and things might hurt but that’s it. But by closing my heart to a lot of people I started building a tiny wall around it. People can get close to me, we can have fun but I would jump the fence when they got too close. I don’t want that anymore. I talked about breaking down the walls (http://straightthinking.weebly.com/blog/take-the-walls-down), maybe it’s time for me to reread those entries. Building walls in never the answer. But I build walls because I never really took the time to deal with the heartbreaks. Letting go sucks. Especially if your heart doesn’t want to. But that’s when you have to look at the situation from an outsider. Which is difficult. You’ll have to put all your feelings to the side and see, really see that there’s nothing good that will come from holding on to something that isn’t yours anymore. Or maybe it is still yours. Maybe it’s toxic. Maybe it doesn’t make you better. Whatever it is, you have to allow yourself to see. I’ve decided to end things with my boyfriend. My whole heart loves him but I had to allow myself to see that we weren’t good for each other. We weren’t making each other better. We weren’t even making each other happy. I think that sometimes, love isn’t enough. Now, I have to let go. I have to give it time but I also know I can’t keep holding on to him. Moving on and starting over is something I’m not even ready to think about but I know that there will be a time that I do want to start over. The only way I will ever be able to start something new, is if I end this, also in my heart. What good is it to me if I keep my mind occupied with the thought of what might have been or the what if’s? There’s nothing good that can come of it because I will be heart broken by the time he is ready to move on. In order to make adjustments you’ll have to look at the situation from an outsider’s point of view. That way you’ll be able to see everything more clearly. No matter what the situation is, you’ll have to put your feelings aside so you can see the truth and what has to be done (that’s why it’s so easy to give advice to others but so difficult to apply that same advice on our own lives). The first time I opened my eyes I felt nauseated. I started to feel sick. I cried for hours at a time, for days. My heart broke into millions of pieces and I thought I wouldn’t make it out alive. But I had to get through it. At some point I was sick of my tears and I wanted to let it go. I had to let it go. Being that sad wasn’t doing anything good for me so I had no other choice. Every time I opened my eyes after that became less and less painful. The last thing I found out just sounded ridiculous to me. I laughed. That same thing would have broken my heart a few months ago. But I had practice. I didn’t even get mad because I knew getting mad wouldn’t solve anything. I let things sink in, I thought about it and yes, I did get mad for a moment when I really started to think about it. But I decided that it would be better FOR MYSELF to not stay angry. So I could move on. It’s in the past, what am I going to do about it now? Knock on God’s door and ask if he can turn back time? No. I’m happy I found out but it doesn’t matter anymore. But making adjustments is never easy. I still think it’s difficult. I just don’t let it get to me the way it used to. Are you making adjustments in your life? How are you dealing with the pain that comes along with it? How do you feel after you let everything sink in? Please let me know what you think in the comments, or email me (contact form) or talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee. I didn’t like the old me but something was holding me back to change, even if it meant that I would come out better, stronger.
I can’t remember what happened that made me want to change myself and the way I viewed myself and life in general. All I know is that I did. A lot has changed in my life since I changed my mind. It started there, in my head. But because that happened, everything else had to change with it. And it did. Everything that had to change, changed. Well, almost everything. I’m still a work in progress. One of the things that I had to change was the way I viewed myself. I had to learn how to respect myself before I could change anything else about myself. It hurt. Thing became clear. I started to see that I allowed people to disrespect me. I wasn’t proud of myself and I started to feel down. My ‘remedy’ is eating. As soon as I feel down I look for sugars and all kinds of garbage to ‘feel better’. I let myself go and I started to gain weight. A lot of weight. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that a friend, who I hadn’t seen in a few months, pointed out that I gained so much weight. I went home and felt really bad. But I needed to hear it. Now I’m working on finding the right diet which I will start the end of this month. I respect myself enough to see that this is not healthy and if I don’t change, it will all go downhill from here. I also had to learn how to see what’s best for me. Who I should keep close and who I should take a step back from. Some people weren’t in my life to build me up. They, maybe unintentionally kept me back. A few people even made me feel bad about myself every time we talked. Other friends just didn’t have the same goals as me, the opposite even. So I had to see what was best. Be a little selfish. Entertaining others or keeping others happy, kept me from being happy. Learning how to respect myself, love myself and grant myself the best was more than painful. I lost friends and I had to dig really deep to find truths that I had to know. I grew up believing that I was a terrible child, but because I kept digging I found out that I wasn’t. I always doubted my worth, since I was a little kid. Now I know certain things I am finally free of what made me believe I had little to no worth. Digging is difficult and if you’re not sure why you do it, you’ll want to give up. I wanted to give up a couple of times but I had made up my mind. I want to be better and I want to get rid of all the anchors I was carrying with me. I didn’t feel like I was just carrying a bunch of weights on my shoulders. It didn’t just slow me down. I got stuck and I couldn’t move forward. I had anchors and I got rid of some of them, so I can move again, I’m going forward. But I know it’s just a matter of time before the rope tightens and I’m stuck again. I’ll have to find ways to keep dropping the anchors so there won’t be anything holding me back anymore. But it’s like I said earlier… I’m a work in progress. I’ll get there. Please share your thoughts / experiences in the comments. Or send me an email by filling in the contact form on the contact page. Orr talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee I’ve been trying to figure out a lot of things lately. I’ve been looking for answers. When I started all of this I was scared. I wasn’t sure of anything in my life. I doubted myself and everything around me. I questioned people’s intentions and it made me sad.
Crazy enough, I didn’t expect this to have such an impact on my life. I didn’t expect to change so much, so quickly. I believed that I was that person; shy, insecure, scared. Now I see that it was my rock bottom. I was unhappy and settled for anything I could get. It’s been only 31 weeks. But I’m not in the same place anymore. I feel stronger and happier. Writing these entries every week keeps me busy. But not just busy, I’m being productive. I sort of force myself to think about what’s bothering me and I force myself to find a solution. A while ago when something was bothering me or when I held myself back, I used to ask myself 4 questions. - Why does this bother me/why do I do this? - What’s the point (of worrying about this/of doing this)? - What’s the result (if I keep worrying about it/if I keep doing this)? - How am I going to stop worrying about/doing this? I noticed that I haven’t asked myself these questions in a few weeks. Maybe I do, but not in the same way. Maybe I’ve learned to find those answers before the red flag in my head goes up. I feel calmer. Like whatever is going on, will be alright. So there is no reason to stress over it. Off course I still worry about things. But I don’t let worry control me anymore like I used to. I allowed worries to creep into my mind and infect all of my happy thoughts. My worry was replacing my good thoughts up to a point where I didn’t have good or happy thoughts to fall back on to lift my spirit. I try not to be negative. I try to be as positive as possible. It’s not easy. Even right now, my eyes fill with tears. Not because I’m so happy but because I’m hurt in ways I don’t know how to describe (No, I don’t want to know because I don’t want to talk about it, yet). Every time I start to feel a hint of happiness, something comes in to try to break me down. Let’s just call it life. But that doesn’t make it easier. I’m going through two very difficult and emotionally draining situations but I refuse to give in and more importantly give up. I’ve worked too hard to get here. No matter how hard the situation will get, I will not feel sorry for myself. I will cry, let everything out. But as soon as I dry my last tear, I will get up and look for a reason to smile. A real reason! I’m done pretending. If I can’t smile, I won’t force it. But I’d rather smile than don’t so I will keep looking for reasons to smile until I have found at least one. I think of it this way: When life throws something in front of my feet, ignoring it, isn’t an option. But I can choose to trip and keep walking or to fall over it and having to get back up from the ground. Sometimes even that isn’t a choice. Sometimes I’ll fall, HARD. But when I have a choice, I will trip, find my balance and go on. And even if I fall, I will not let it hold me down. I will get up and go on. It’s all about finding a good balance. I have enough to worry about but I try to let the things go that I can’t control. It’s making life a whole lot easier. I want to keep growing. I want to find me and I won’t ever stop growing and looking for a better me. And you know what, just between us, I’m starting to like me a little bit again. Don’t get discouraged when you fall, it’s about how you get up that counts. Keep a positive attitude and look for reasons to smile, there are plenty! Please, let me know what you think. Write a comment or send me an email via the contact page. Or tweet me @uGottaLoveAimee I’m here, I’m listening and I want all of us to grow and become who we know we can be! Let’s do it together. Not really. Life is wonderful. I can’t figure out why but for some reason we always find ways to place ourselves in suck-ish situations. Which make it seem that life, overall, sucks.
Life doesn’t suck. The furthest thing from it! So why is it so hard to see that? Why is it so hard to separate our ‘short-time-feeling’ from everything else? A year ago, I was convinced that life sucked. Two years ago, same story. 4 years ago life I wasn’t only convinced that life sucked, I was sure that God hated me. Today, with everything going on, life still doesn’t suck. Life gets harder. Why? Because we make it harder. Or for the simple reason that we live in a world that is all kinds of messed up! But even in this messed up world, we owe it to ourselves to focus on the good and the positive. I know it’s hard. And it’s not something you’ll be able to do when you can’t see 3 feet in front of you because of all those tears. But those are just clouds. As soon as they’re gone you can see the sun again. I’m the type of person who gets hurt deeply. I can cry for hours and continue an hour after I think my tears ran dry. I will still feel somewhat bad after a long period of time. I’ll pretend that I’m ok and pretend that it doesn’t bother me anymore because I don’t really know how to live with those emotions that make me want to stay in bed for weeks at a time. But I try to take a moment for myself and put my thoughts in order. Once my thoughts are organized, I try to breath. I pray to God about it non-stop. Because I know I can’t do it by myself. Without Him I will stay in bed until I get dragged out. Or I’ll stay at home, avoiding daylight and people that I might run into. So I pray, I ask for strength so I can at least make it to the shower. After that, things just happen. Sometimes, life really seems to suck. It seems like the thing that is keeping you down will keep you down for-e-ver. But it won’t. No matter how heavy that burden is or how difficult that situation is. It’s temporarily. As soon as you realize that and most importantly, believe that’s the truth, life won’t suck anymore. You’ll realize that it isn’t life, it’s the situation that sucks; the moment you’re living in, sucks. There’s a huge difference between ‘Life sucks’ and ‘the situation sucks’. One means that everything sucks and there is no and will not ever be an end. The other means that it’s just this part. This small part of your entire life that isn’t as good as the rest. A moment can take long, but no matter how long it takes for you to feel better, there will come an end. It will get better, eventually. All you can do from that moment on is be patient. Trying to stay positive in a suck-ish situation can help you find a better, happier place. What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you think that it’s just a suck-ish moment? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Or email me -> Contact form Or talk to me on twitter @uGottaLoveAimee |
AuthorMy passion is writing. I started writing stories when I was only 6 years old and I still do it today. Blogging is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, so here we are. Archives
July 2017
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